A Word About Hats

Since going to school on the west side of Oregon, I have noticed a very serious issue: many people don't know how to act around or with cowboy hats. Whether it's setting a hat down the wrong way, making smart alecky comments, or touching someone else's hat, I see hat faux pas all the time. I realize this is because many folks just aren't aware of hat etiquette, so this is my PSA about cowboy hat etiquette.

A cowboys hat is perhaps his most prized possession, right up there with his horse and his dog. It protects him from the rain, sun and wind, and looks good in the pickup on the way to town. It also tells it's wearer's story; the shape and style can tell you wear a cowboy is from, and what he does (e.g. bullrider, buckaroo, roper, etc.). Along with all this meaning and information conveyed by a hat comes a code.

1. Never, and I mean NEVER, touch a cowboys hat. This is as good a way to get a whooping as any. Seriously, the fastest way to take a happy cowboy and make him madder than a momma cow is to knock his hat off his head, try to wear it, or to touch it in general. Side note: if a woman is taking a cowboys hat off, it means inappropriate things. And, there's still a chance he will be irritated, though a real cowboy isn't going to fight a lady.
2. Always set your hat on it's crown, never on the brim. A cowboy hat generally has a curve to its brim, and setting it down flat will squash that curve right out, ruining the hat. If you see a hat resting "upside down" on its crown, don't touch (see rule #1); the cowboy intended to set it that way.
3. Handle a felt hat by grasping the edge of the brim and the inside of the crown. This prevents grease buildup on the brim. Felt hats are like sponges, and grease is extremely hard to get out.
4. Gentlemen, during the National Anthem, remove your hat and place it over your heart. Ladies, traditionally, you don't have to take off your hat, but you should still place your hand over your heart.
5. The hat comes off inside a private home, restaurant, church, etc. Basically, if you are indoors, the hat should come off. The exception is public buildings, or if there is no way to safely store your hat.
6. When a gentleman meets a lady, he removes his hat. Take it off with your left hand, and shake her hand with your right.
7. Finally, smart remarks like "Where's your horse?" "Ride 'em cowboy!" and just the plain 'ol "yeehaw!" are incredibly irritating, and mark you out from mile away as a tenderfoot. You won't see many cowboys pointing at your snapback hat and saying things "Hey dude, where's your skateboard?" so give them the courtesy not pokin fun at their hat. Compliments are fine, but don't be condescending.

These are the basics of wearing a cowboy hat, and how to act around someone who is wearing one. A cowboys hat means more to him than nearly anything else in the world. A little respect to this tradition goes a long way.